


Occlude

by tenuous_pteradatyl



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Violence, Prison, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenuous_pteradatyl/pseuds/tenuous_pteradatyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might have happened if Amon and Lieutenant survived, and they got thrown in the same jail cell together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Occlude

The first few weeks were long and brutal an endless tirade of cruel words and physical violence which all culminated with the fracturing of Amon’s leg and the breaking of Lieu’s nose. The weeks after that dragged on into a terse and uneasy cohabitation between the two men with nothing but an angry silence hanging between them as they carried out the day.

It was a month later when Lieu began to speak to him again, at first they were little words muttered under his breath barely audible, such things as “traitor” and “filth”. These soon evolved into sentences and eventually long rambles about his shortcomings and flaws, all of them which he knew so well. Of course he had said all of this before, the first few hours of their time in that dank jail cell together had spiraled into this. 

Back then Amon was ready with retort after rebuttal he argued back and had said things like “I had to do things this way” or “I had no other choice”. His self righteous behavior, the haughty attitude with which he had tried to expertly debate Lieu into a corner and convince him this was the way things had to be devolved steadily into apologies and sobbing. He had said nothing more as Lieu had continued to wash him in a seemingly endless tirade of hatred and loathing, and had curled his broken and aching body into the corner of the cell, his eyes closed behind the bandages that now engulfed his face. But now, a month later Amon couldn’t stand it anymore stiffly he sat up on his bed and waited for Lieu to shout himself out again, and that was when after about a month of little to no speech he spoke again. 

"How long are we going to go on this way?" he asked, his voice still took on that authoritative tone although he was a little hoarse. Lieu had taken to the floor, he sat there looking up at his former leader his eyes piercing in the half-light of the cell. "I don’t know why don’t you tell me" he said with a deep frown, and Amon just sighed. He was too tired to argue, too battered and bruised to fight him, and they both knew it but Lieu must’ve been tired too because he merely laid down, his back on the cold floor, eyes up to the ceiling. "Heh, never thought it would end this way" he said with a somewhat resigned tone in his voice, his expression totally flat, Amon looked at him again his own mouth twisted into a frown. "It’s not over until we’re dead" he said resolutely and Lieu laughed for the first time in years, it was a foreign thing that ended with a loud cough that echoed throughout the confines of the room just as that mirthless laugh had seconds ago. 

"Well conveniently we’ll probably die in here so yeah when I say that it’s going to end this way there’s no real irony in that" Lieu said as he got off the floor and climbed onto his own bed and mechanically slipped under the covers. "I wouldn’t have minded this fate if it hadn’t been all for nothing…now what’s left for me? A lifetime in jail next to the liar of the century. I must be the dumbest man on the face of the planet for believing you" he said covering his face with his hands. "It wasn’t all for nothing we achieved a great deal in those years of partnership we shared" Amon said, and Lieu just looked at him again, this time his look had softened slightly but even so there was still a sternness there. 

"Ok, I’ll give you that but that’s all. We did manage to help a lot of people but even so they-we…I" he paused to sigh "we were following a lie. We followed you blindly into the fray without a second thought and what do you do? You betray us. Did you ever stop to think about what would happen if you were ever found out? Did you even stop to think about all the people you were leaving behind when you ran that day? All the people that we trained? Do you know where a lot of them are now? They’re either dead or in prison and for what? Some false savior. A lot of those people had families, and now they’re never going to-". 

"Stop it Lieu!" he yelled, he had opened his mouth so wide in his distress that the cracked and warped skin that hung around his lips had felt ready to snap "Don’t you think I realize that? Don’t you think I realize how many people I’ve hurt? The pain that I caused? But never for one moment think that I wasn’t sincere in any of my actions I still believe that there is much to be done in the city, much has to be repaired if the nonbonding citizens of this city are to know true equality."

"You know when I hear you say it I almost believe it" Lieu said flatly as he lay on his cot, he turned to face the wall as if not looking at Amon would somehow make it as if he weren’t in the room. "Why do you refuse to believe me?" Amon asked feeling bewildered Lieu knew him more than anyone, perhaps even more than his own family, more than his unfortunate little brother ever would, he had never questioned his passion for the cause so why would he question it now? Lieu shook his head "You just don’t get it do you? It’s really simple Amon or excuse me Noatok…it’s because you lied to me. All those years of what I thought was intimacy and you never once told me any of it." he said with such bitterness that it threw a whole new wave of guilt over Amon, Lieu was out of bed now and was pacing the floor irritably wringing his hands as though he had no idea what to do with himself. "You want to know what I was thinking when the Avatar was trying to reveal you at the rally?" he asked and Amon looked up at him finally, his stomach suddenly feeling like it was tying itself in knots, holding his breath. "I thought that some things made sense to me but I told myself no he would’ve told me something so important, I can ask him later when this is all over…but I never really got a chance you were too busy tossing me into a wall to really give me any answers although I guess that was all the answer I needed". 

Amon’s head was in his hands, he felt sick at the memory of that horrible day, he remembered feeling worried about what Lieu must’ve been thinking he had desperately wanted him to find out some other way, he had wanted to tell him before that, so many times, he had wanted to stop the rally and tell him everything right then and there. But nothing had gone right, his plans had all went up in smoke, and the last thing he remembered from that horrific day was the sound of the explosion piercing his ears, and blackness and then being pulled out of the bay and the pain of his wounds. 

He knew what would be coming when they had bandaged him up, a small jail cell, and life sentence at the very least. He had had no idea who would be waiting for him in that cell, the one person he longed to see, the one person he hoped had somehow survived his misguided attack, the only person left to him in this world. Lieu had been there just as he had wished but he knew better than to grab him and kiss him like he wanted to, not when the other man was looking at him with such animosity and anger. He had resigned himself to it, to the fact that Lieu was no longer on his side, and probably never would be but even with that bitter truth he was happy that first night as he lay bandaged on his cot that he still had the privilege to hear the other man sleeping soundly. 

Now for the second time since this had all happened he wished that the explosion that had claimed the life of his brother had done the same to him, he hated to live in a world where the only person he ever allowed to get close to him hated him. “You have to understand” he said weakly, his voice cracking “It had been a long time since I had cared for anyone but myself. I…I have always been a bit selfish even in my youth, and very rarely do bad habits die of their own accord. But when I was with you…when I was the leader of the equalists I forgot about myself…other people’s wellbeing was more important than my own. Their lives-no, your life meant more to me than my own”.

"Well you sure could’ve fooled me" Lieu said angrily, he didn’t raise his voice but Amon knew from past experience that his was a quiet and seething anger that slowly rose until it finally boiled over. Amon sighed "I know I certainly didn’t show that on that wretched day. I was bewildered, frantic, I thought I had just killed the only person I ever loved, and my followers had all found out the truth about me in quite possibly the worst way. I saw no way out other than to flee". 

Lieu scoffed at that “So of course take the easy way out. It’s about your speed. All you’ve been doing is running away ever since you left the north pole, this was just a detour.” Lieu said he had finally rolled over to face Amon, his mouth set into a deep scowl. “I never thought of my time in Republic City that way” Amon said holding the gaze of his former lieutenant “I had every intention of staying there as long as the people needed me. I truly wanted to make a change. I admit now that perhaps there were other less radical means of reaching our goals but that does’t matter now”. “Then what does matter?” Lieu asked sullenly and Amon looked him in the eye again with such a fierceness that Lieu seemed to snap out of his doldrums for a moment “Our survival” he said, and with that they went to sleep.

The weeks dragged on into months, and before either of them knew it, it was 4 months since they had been holed up together. Their talk months ago had done nothing to quell Lieu’s loathing, and that only made Amon’s looming depression even more unbearable. He ate little, said next to nothing, and slept more often, the cold relief of sleep the only thing able to take the edge off the horrible reality he was now privy to. Lieu tried not to notice any of this he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, it was a never ending mantra in his mind, relentless even in his dreams, the day of the rally, the feel of his limbs being bent and twisted, the realization that the man he had served, the man he had come to love was just a bunch of falsehoods. 

He could’ve forgiven him, he wanted to forgive him but the lies, the betrayal stopped him every time. So that’s why he didn’t notice one cold winter morning that Amon had yet to get up. From what he could tell by the light spilling in through the slit of the window it was well past noon, and although since their time in jail Amon had not been getting up at his usual early hours he certainly didn’t sleep this late. Lieu didn’t feel anything close to concern, he had been sleeping more lately, perhaps the guilt was becoming too much for him he thought with a bit of cruel smile as he went over to his bed to try to wake him. He prodded him twice hard in the ribs, this usually worked, this was usually the way he had woken him even when they were in bed together. If that didn’t work his next approach was to lean over and kiss him, this always woke him up. 

The memory came to mind and he quickly pushed it away, never again in this life time would he kiss this man. He looked down at Amon and his breath caught in his throat, he wasn’t breathing. His hand shot to his neck, his calloused fingers frantically searching for a sign, any sign of a pulse but he found none. Despite his anger, despite all that had transpired between them Lieu quickly grew hysterical, he pulled Amon close to him and began to give him mouth-to mouth. After what felt like an eternity Amon came back to him, Lieu drew back just as he weakly opened his eyes. Lieu didn’t realize that tears had slid down his face until Amon brushed them away with heavily bandaged fingers. “You’ve been crying” he said in a faltering voice “Yeah and you almost died are we going to keep pointing out the obvious?” Lieu asked in a somewhat harsher tone than he would’ve liked. 

Amon moved himself out of Lieu’s grasp and settled himself back on the bed, Lieu looked at him with a somewhat puzzled look on his face. “You want to tell me what just happened?” he asked and Amon shook his head Lieu let out an exasperated sigh, he was too old for this, far too old for this but he wanted to know why Amon had almost slipped away to a place he couldn’t easily follow. Despite his anger he had noticed the signs that something was wrong, that he had slowly slipped into an all encompassing depression but he didn’t dare think that perhaps Amon had tried to take his own life, he was too strong for that. But even with that thought in mind the notion that perhaps Amon had done something to himself in a desperate attempt to try to end his life made his stomach churn, and his eyes burn with new unshed tears. Even though he still hated him for his lies, even though he may still loathe him for his betrayal ,and the attempt on his life, a world without him seemed to be totally empty, and devoid of color. 

He rubbed his temples in a vain effort to keep the headache at bay but he knew he was fighting a losing battle, this wouldn’t be easy but he needed an answer. “Amon…did you…did you try to kill yourself just now?” he asked hesitantly, he honestly didn’t know what to expect him to do, these past few months had changed him from the fearless leader to something else entirely something he didn’t want to name. Amon looked at him, his gaze never wavering as he said simply “Yes Lieu but what else would you have me do?”

If Lieu hadn’t been so tired beyond all recognition and measure he may have broken every bone in Amon’s body. He was beyond anger now, he felt rage just as he had on that day months ago. The release of anger started slowly as he rose from the edge of the bed, his hands shooting out to grab the front of Amon’s robes, Amon’s eyes opened in alarm but he made no move to resist. “What did you do? Did you do something with your blood bending to make yourself stop breathing? Did you think I wouldn’t notice? That I would just let you die?!” he screamed. Amon looked at him as if he barely registered this man looming over him, beating his chest with his fists “Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asked “After all the pain I’ve caused…wouldn’t it be better for me to die?” he asked and that’s when Lieu punched him, right in the jaw, he almost regretted it when he heard the sickly crack that followed but he felt that this was the only thing to wake him from his own delusions. 

"I never said that!" he yelled as Amon picked himself off the floor "I never wanted you to die! I never wanted any of this! Even when I found out that you were nothing but a liar I never wanted this for us….I would’ve forgiven you…" he trailed off his yell had shrunk down to almost a whisper, he had been supporting himself on the wall after almost cracking the other man’s jaw but now he was on the floor, on his knees, his hands over his eyes, a gesture that Amon knew as his way of hiding his tears. Amon just watched him sob there until he was almost lying on the floor, at this point he stiffly got up and staggered over to his former lieutenant, picked him up, and held him.

He expected Lieu to pull away, curse at him, perhaps even punch him again but to his amazement Lieu hugged him back, his body racked with sobs. “Did you mean what you said Lieu? That you would’ve forgiven me?” he asked his voice barely audible over the sound of Lieu’s uneven breathing. Lieu pulled away from him finally, quickly wiping his eyes, and looked at Amon with a bit of a frown “I would’ve” he said tying to calm his breathing “Before you tried to kill me” he added, and Amon’s heart sank.

Within a year’s time Amon and Lieu had begrudgingly lapsed into an uneasy comradery. Their time was no longer spent arguing, they no longer even raised their voices with one another, they had both come to the agreement that they were most likely going to be sharing this cell for the rest of their lives, and that making these next years miserable for each other wasn’t a good use of their time. Amon despite his depression at the lost of his only love had resolved to try to find a way out, and although Lieu thought him crazy for trying to flee from a nearly inescapable prison he admired his determination. 

Their early hours were spent mostly milling around the room just to kind of throw off any suspicions, it was their late nights together that became their time to conspire just as they had so long ago when they were planning a revolution. Amon was glad for the distraction, it seemed to ease the pain of his depression, his sleepless nights became consumed with their plans for freedom, he and Lieu were finally talking civilly to each other he had yet to see how it could get any better. But despite his renewed optimism he still had lingering thoughts about Lieu, dreams, fantasies, daydreams where they reconciled and embraced, where they hugged and kissed each other with parched lips, and if he was feeling particularly bold they would even share a bed once again. 

But Amon knew better than to hope for the absurd, although early on he had hoped, prayed, wished for it he knew that some things were beyond repair. He ignored how his heart skipped a beat when their hands would briefly touch, he would pretend as if his breath didn’t hitch when Lieu would lean over him to examine an escape route, it was a cruel existence but a sane one. So they continued their days in this same vein, it had become routine, habitual, and Amon didn’t wish for the repair of their relationship. 

It was only later one night as they began finalizing their escape plan that Amon felt as though he wasn’t the only one who might be wishing for reconcilement. Amon’s jaw although healed from their last skirmish would still ache every so often, in an effort to ease the pain he would try to massage away his discomfort but just as he was about to, Lieu got up from his cot and took him by the chin. “That’s been bothering you more than usual hasn’t it? You’ve been rubbing your chin a lot lately” he said, Amon could feel his face already beginning to flush, it had been a long time since Lieu had touched him without intent to hurt him, it was a nice change of pace. Lieu still had his face firmly in place with one hand, the other feeling along his jawline, his fingers straying to his cheek “Anything especially painful?” he asked as Amon shook his head slightly, he understood Lieu’s concern he was a healer in another life but he had never showed concern for his injuries in such a tender manner before, not since the accident. Lieu sighed “Good” he said releasing Amon’s face and retreating back to his cot, he gave him a strange almost forlorn look as he said “Sorry about that”.

“About what?” Amon asked still rubbing his jaw trying to file away the memory of Lieu’s hands on his skin even through the bandages. “About punching you in the jaw there was really no reason to..I was just so mad at the thought of you trying to take your own life” Lieu said looking down at his clapsed hands “Even though I may have said some pretty nasty stuff when they first threw you in here I would never want you to do that”. Amon shook his head “It wasn’t because of anything you had done Lieu. I guess you could chalk it up to my selfish nature once again” he sighed hard, and let silence fill the room for a few long moments, he wasn’t sure what to say next he had never really planned on telling Lieu the true motives behind his attempted suicide. He had never wanted to let himself be that vulnerable not when the man hated him so, he didn’t want to let him know that he had been so desperate to escape a world where they could no longer love each other, only for Lieu to call him weak for his deeds and reject him again. But his lies had gotten him nowhere, and he knew better now. 

"Lieu I tried to kill myself because I honestly can’t bare to live in a world where I can no longer embrace you. Knowing that you hate me…that our relationship is beyond repair is more than I can stand" he said his voice barely above a whisper, his head held in his hands, tears threatening to leak from his tired eyes. He didn’t know what to expect from his cellmate but the one thing he thought would never happen did, Lieu had been staring intently at him as he made his confession, his expression chaining from interest to a kind of awe, and when he was finally finished he looked a little dumbfounded. He got up off the bed and walked quickly over to where Amon was trying to steady himself, and threw an arm around his shoulder just as he might’ve done when they had first met. He had almost jumped at the sudden contact, he looked at Lieu with wide eyes, Lieu didn’t look at him though he was looking straight ahead eyes trained on the door of their cell, jaw set in place, fingers resting on his upper arm. 

"Don’t you think I feel the same way?" he asked quietly, and his question hung there for a few moments before he continued "Why else do you think I rushed over to try to save you? I may not like most of what you’ve done but it’s still pretty hard to imagine being stuck here without you…" he trailed off and Amon felt his muscles seize up, it honestly seemed too good to be true. "Is that your very indirect way of saying you’re forgiving me?" he asked, Lieu still was looking at the cell door his fingers now trailing down the length of his arm "Maybe" he answered with a bit of a smirk on his face. Amon even with this answer in mind decided to tread cautiously they were on thin ice, paper thin ice, and he felt as though one wrong word could easily destroy this blissful moment so he asked his next question slowly "What changed your mind?". Lieu let out a long puff of air as if he had been holding his breath "Time…seeing how the guilt of what you’ve done has been eating away at you for the past year" his fingers now covering Amon’s. 

"Ah" was all he could manage to say, this past year had felt like 5 to him, being so close yet unable to talk normally, to embrace they may have seemed tiny tortures to anyone else but to Amon they were so much more. "So where are we to go from here?" Amon asked quietly by now Lieu’s fingers had become intertwined with his own, and he was feeling so many things he felt it hard to breathe. Lieu looked at him finally with a warm smile, a smile he hadn’t seen in what felt like ages "We figure out the rest of our escape plan and then I’ll probably give you a kiss goodnight and for now sleep in our own beds wouldn’t want to scare the guards in the morning" he said with bit of a smirk as he released Amon’s hand and beckoned him over the floor where he had laid out their papers. Amon didn’t move for a good 3 minutes and when he finally did he felt as though he was no longer walking but floating across the floor. The last few minutes seemed to be out of one his wildest fantasies, to think that there was some hope of reconciliation made Amon’s feelings of self loathing almost a thing of the past. Although he knew that they would have to take small steps to get back what they once had he was willing to take as long as was necessary as long as Lieu would remain by his side.


End file.
